


I Will Not Dignify This With A Song Lyric

by TheSevenUmbrellas (RosyPages)



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Comedy, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:36:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26148799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RosyPages/pseuds/TheSevenUmbrellas
Summary: Request:inappropriateexplosions said:I wish you would write a fic where cc(chris the cube) is just chilling on a table and Claus hadn't met/seen him yet so he thinks it's a Rubik's Cube and twists it and accidentally kills him. that's how the sparrow academy gets taken down
Comments: 10
Kudos: 110





	I Will Not Dignify This With A Song Lyric

“I don’t know about you guys, but I need a drink,” Klaus announced, already moving towards the bar. Ah alcohol, his old friend. Everything was better with alcohol.

The others yelled their agreement behind him.

Time travel, gun fights, ghosts? He definitely needed a drink. They all deserved it! He wondered if he could convince Luther to do shots with him. Maybe Five would make his killer mojitos.

He was so focused on the alcohol, he almost missed the strange looking cube on the table.

It looked like it was made from Elliot’s Jell-O (which wasn’t so bad once you got used to it) and when Klaus picked it up, it felt solid and almost plasticy in his hands.

“Hey, Five,” he called, peering at it. “Is this your Rubik’s Cube or something?”

That would be just like Five, to bring such a weird toy back with him from the Commission or something.

How did it work, anyway? Green on one side and slightly darker green on the other?

He gave the cube an experimental twist.

It fell to pieces in his hands.

 _Whoops_.

Five appeared in the doorway. “What’d you say?” he asked, not even looking at Klaus. He was too focused on the alcohol. Man, was Reggie _really_ good at making alcoholics out of his children.

Klaus held out the flakey pieces of jelly that covered his hands. “I think I broke your toy.”

Five just stared, confused.

Then a figure rose from the armchair by the fire. Flames spluttered. The shadows… did whatever shadows did. Went darker? His evil voice bellowed, “I’ve been wondering-” Their father (alive and ugly as ever!) froze. “Oh my god you killed Christopher!”

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize.


End file.
